Our initiation into foster care life is complete. And what an initiation it was! Overall, it went well, just super busy. Violet, the older of the sister pair, displayed many defiant behaviors and general resistance. This made for long days at times. Extreme tantrums occurred often throughout the day. It was hard watching a little one so young react in such a violent manner. Breaks your heart. Bart and I tried our best to use our "Love and Logic" strategies. Thank goodness the book arrived the day before the girls came to stay with us! Not a moment too soon. I would sneak in reading time next to the tub while the girls were bathing and on the couch while the girls were resting. It was great to get to implement the strategies right after reading them.
When the girls would have difficulty complying with instructions we would offer them choices, manipulative choices! :) For instance, if Violet didn't want to put her shoes on, the choices could be something like: you can wear your crocs or your sandals; which work better for you? or you can put them on or I can help you put them on; which would you like to choose? Either way, the shoes were going on! This gave the kids the feeling that they still had some control of the situation and we valued their power to make choices on their own.
We also gave positive instructions. For instance, if Eva wanted to watch the beloved Barbie movie but hadn't cleaned up the current game, we would tell her that YES! she could watch the movie as soon as the toys were put away. This way they do not engage in an argument with us over the chore at hand, but instead they know that they can, in fact, get what they want, however, they must comply with the request first. It worked beautifully.
Bart and I also tried to give lots of smiles, affirmation, and encouragement.
As time passed, the tantrums decreased both in frequency and duration. We were so thankful! The Lord was faithful to intervene.
Although it wasn't an easy, we had some fabulous moments of hearty laughter.
- Violet had taken my string cheese and ate it after eating an entire piece of her own. Well, that just meant that I had to go in and get it! I pretended to dig in her ear and pull out the piece that she ate (bringing a new piece of cheese out from behind her back). She was amazed. And never took any more of my food :)
- Nikki (my sister) came over to help one day. Violet noticed that she had a nose ring and was very intrigued! I had just given her a "crystal" to wear that looked like the crystal in the Barbie movie. Well, the "crystal" ended up on the side of her nose to look like her new cool friend :)
- About 10 minutes before foster dad came to pick the girls up, I had asked Eva if she needed to use the restroom. She gave me a very confident "no". Eva then shared that she was very cold. We looked over and sure enough she had peed all over the chair! Ha! Of course she didn't have to go and of course she was feeling a bit chilly! The clean-up crew flew in and came to the rescue.
We would not have traded our days with the girls for anything! Bart and I both felt like we grew as parents-to-be. We're thankful to get some on the job training before our little one arrives.
