I haven't known Cat for long, but I have known her long enough to know that her heart to serve the Lord and serve children is deeply sincere.
Here is Cat's story. I hope that you are encouraged and inspired by her words as I was.
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I honestly believe that I have always wanted to 'foster', even before I knew what that meant. as a child in a neglectful home I often daydreamed about what kind of caregiver I wanted and dreamed of one day being such a person. when I was blessed with a child of my own, I called upon those daydreams and tried to parent as I'd wanted to be parented. it was so freeing to simply focus on trying to discern what my child's needs were and then fulfill those needs. I loved watching my child overcome the many obstacles she was born with. I was also at peace in allowing her to be who she was and progress at her own speed.
because of the extra time and energy we needed to focus on our daughter, it was a few years before we were ready for our next child. we joyfully opened our hearts to the many children who'd already been born and simply needed a family to belong to. being able to provide a soft place to land and perhaps one day, a permanent home sounded like an honor to us.
we researched the process and decided we definitely wanted the extra assistance an agency could offer. we knew we'd have a lot of questions and would rest easier knowing someone was just a phone call away. STARRY stood out to us because of the amazing community outreach they provide. they do not just serve children in foster care, but try to prevent children from ever needing foster care. their parent umbrella ministry, Children at Heart Ministries shares that mission to build up families; one of the ways God teaches us about love.
while we were going through the licensing process, we provided respite care for two sets of siblings. we loved the children, but found the learning curve of adjusting from one child to three, overnight, to be steep. we also recognized that we were in this for the long haul and providing short-term care did not match up well with our parenting approach.
at last we became licensed and were excited to finally begin our journey. we prayed often as we knew that there was much we did not know. we asked God to bring us the right child at the right time; we left it all up to Him. the very next day, a Saturday, we got a call about a boy in a somewhat unusual situation. he needed to be moved from his current foster home because the family could no longer foster. his new location also needed to remain unknown to his bio family. he was a year older than our chosen age range, but his very thorough psychological evaluation encouraged me that this boy wanted success; he wanted to break through the cycle. he sounded like an amazing kid that would be a great fit for our family. we said, "yes".
weeks of waiting went by as the Placement team worked through the process and presented their choice - us - to the judge. he said, "no". we weren't discouraged as we knew God was in charge the fat lady wasn't singing yet. we kept our trust in God as we said, "yes" and "no" to several more children. none came to us in that month since being licensed. we rejoiced on the day CPS called our agency again asking if we were still available; that first boy we'd said, "yes" to needed placement!
he arrived with a grin big enough to outshine his outgrown clothes and lanky, underweight frame. shopping, school, doctor's visits and long drives to family visits; thank goodness for the joy of the 'honeymoon' period usually experienced with new placements. he got along fantastically with my daughter and we reveled in having a fuller dinner table. our days were super busy, but we experienced a "good" tired at the end of each day. then, everything changed when our boy learned that he was going home and overnight visits became weekly. his behavior deteriorated quickly. it was as if he wanted to fail. he challenged every boundary, rule and expectation he could fathom. coaching, encouragement and even consequences did not have much influence. we felt deflated; like there was no success to be had. as long as he did not want it, there was nothing we could do to help him achieve it. a very difficult and exhausting transition time began. having weekends "off" were only a small consolation. I found solace in comprehending that we were experiencing only a taste of how God must feel when we make poor choices, even though he's waiting, ready with all resources if only we'd receive.
seeing the "system" in action only underscored how complicated it can be to determine what is "best" for a child in care. sometimes the law intended to quickly reunite families or terminate parental rights can rush things and keep a child from fully benefiting from their time in foster care. this is where I simply fall back on my faith and choose to believe that even the little bit of time I've spent with the child has made a difference. I hope that the seeds I've planted will remain and perhaps even be watered along the way. I think about the big picture and how truly short our lives are in comparison to eternity. I imagine myself 100 years from now, rocking on the porch, reflecting back on my life. my goal is to have no regrets. knowing that I've given my best, albeit far short of perfection, is what I'm shooting for. I dream of being really lucky one day and getting to see our hard work come to fruition.
our boy is still with us for now. no word on when he's going back home, only that he is. well... the fat lady still isn't singing so stay tuned :o)
